Loosing Control

                                                           Loosing Control

We live in a culture that is control crazy. We are trained from very early to take, get, keep, and be vigilant for control in pretty much every area of life at all times. This gets tiring! And the fact is, most of the time control is an illusion. As we age, if we have paid attention, we try and let go of more and more, this is a sign of wisdom. When we let go, loosen our grip, and actually loose control, things get interesting!

There are many examples of the pleasure derived from loosing control; a good belly laugh, a good cry, when something beautiful takes our breath away, a good sigh, being totally spontaneous, falling asleep when tired, orgasms, being moved emotionally, on and on. All of these are circumstances of letting go and allowing, of being fully present, and of paying attention to what's happening in the moment.

In a therapeutic process, there is a container of safety in which a person is able to take risks and go out of their comfort zone, this is the place where healing and growth happens. There is a paradox about gaining empowerment by letting down one's defenses. We all developed our defenses for good reasons, however they tend to work against us as we get older. So when we consciously try to let down our defenses, it is a rude awakening because we are in uncharted territory.

There is a great deal of skill required in facilitation of this process. It's like a midwife who is helping a woman give birth, there is an intense physical process happening as well as spiritual and psycho-social dynamics. The midwife is encouraging the woman to breath, push, and let go, let nature do Her thing.

Ultimately giving birth and the miracle of life is one of mystery, we can't really know or control it, so letting go, cooperating, receiving help, and staying humble in the face of this mystery is wise.

See if you can work on your control issues a little, we all have them, remember the serenity prayer about having the wisdom to know the difference between what you can change and what you can't, which is most of life!