Zim For Dummies

                                                     Zim For Dummies

Since I consider myself, and get frequent feedback, that I am somewhat of an odd bird both personally and professionally, I've taken it upon myself to share some of my orienting beliefs, values, filters, and biases both to help myself and offer to others some guiding principles when approaching my cage (be leery of feeding me!).

1) We are all One- This is the idea that everything is connected to everything else and is made of the same recycled stuff.

2) There is unity in diversity-This is how the universe plays hide 'n' seek with itself for the joy of finding itself.

3) The Universe is entertaining, informative, and absurd- Theatre of the absurd, impressionism, cubism, surrealism, jazz improvisation, and many other expressions of how utterly weird and entertaining the universe can be, just think of a puppy!

4) We are players on a stage- Life is so strange, mysterious, wondrous, tragic, and funny. We each have a script (that we write), and are starring in our own production.

5) Because there is only One, synchronicities abound revealing infinite interconnection and space/time warping.

6) Life is mysterious and paradoxical-embrace it!

7) Change is the only constant.

8) Don't assume you know what being human is-ask lots of questions!

9) Everyone has gifts for you and you have gifts for them- Giving and receiving are 2 sides of the same coin.

10) Creating contexts to give your gifts is most fulfilling- 3 kinds of relationship; a) what's in it for me, b) you scratch my back I'll scratch yours, and c) how can I give my gifts?

I'll stop here to give time to digest. I encourage each of you to create your own list of your guiding principles, values, and beliefs. This is the software you are running through your operating system. Ask yourself certain questions such as; Is this what I really believe, know, have experienced, want others to know about me, want to leave as a legacy, hold dear as core values, and want to continue to live by? You may find that you want to update your data, you may find that something you think you believe is really what your parents told you, something you read on Facebook, or some kind of fantasy.

This is a way to formalize your navigational system consciously, otherwise you are just regurgitating what you've been conditioned to believe. It is mind boggling how much people think they know these days about absolutely nothing! We know more and more about less and less. Plato said “The unexamined life is not worth living.” We live in a culture that is pretty much examining our own life for us, so we have a virtual or vicarious experience that feels like we know who we are and what we believe, but if closely examined, may reveal it's not what we really believe. The trick to living consciously is to examine, get feedback, and reformulate!

Polarity

                                                         Polarity

                              

                                                  “Out beyond ideas of wrongdoing
                                                      and right doing there is a field.
                                                        I'll meet you there.

                                              When the soul lies down in that grass
                                                the world is too full to talk about.”

                                                                               Rumi

We live in a world today that is full of polarity. The news, Facebook, Twitter, etc. are engines and torrents of spinning polarity machines, frothing up the collective waters like a fisherman chumming the waters for sharks. Multiple factions about multiple issues battle it out every day hurling stones, judging, spinning their case for their side. This only creates more polarity. It makes people crazy, frenetic, and highly stressed. Even if your side “wins” it's not fulfilling, because there is such a backlash and a new battle ensues.

Even within a person there are multiple voices, thoughts, arguments that are often in conflict with one another. You don't have to be a multiple personality to experience this, just think of how much inner opposition you experience when you set an intention for something simple like loosing weight, quitting a bad habit, being more sociable etc. There will arise in you at least one opposing voice that will say “To hell with that!”

How is one to reconcile these inner and outer battles? How can we establish a detente with ourselves and others, and negotiate some middle ground? It has to come from something other than polarity, it has to come from a perspective that synthesizes what appears to be antagonistic, it is Hegel's concept of thesis, antithesis, and synthesis.

This third perspective is a non-dual perspective, it takes each polarity and sees it as 'right' but partial. When I'm working with clients who are battling some inner or outer us/them conflict I will have them take the other sides view point just as an exercise. For example if someone is struggling with drugs or alcohol I'll have them talk about all the positive aspects of their addiction. This sounds crazy, but people do drugs because they deliver some kind of pleasure (at least in the beginning).

Giving a client permission to examine this is a way of waving a white flag and stopping the ego's war of will power. The same thing can occur if you take the perspective of your “enemy.” Try and see how the confederate flag is a symbol of heritage for some, or how marriage is a sacred institution meant for a man and a woman for some. This is amazingly liberating and an essential feature of compassion.

When someone really pisses you off, and pushes your buttons, try and see how a part of you is exactly like that person and has done the same thing in another situation. This builds an integration within a person's psyche and personality, and the ego will not have it's hold on you, which is to be entrenched in one view and making others the enemy. A hallmark of enlightened consciousness is the ability to take multiple perspectives, even if you don't agree with them!

Loosing Control

                                                           Loosing Control

We live in a culture that is control crazy. We are trained from very early to take, get, keep, and be vigilant for control in pretty much every area of life at all times. This gets tiring! And the fact is, most of the time control is an illusion. As we age, if we have paid attention, we try and let go of more and more, this is a sign of wisdom. When we let go, loosen our grip, and actually loose control, things get interesting!

There are many examples of the pleasure derived from loosing control; a good belly laugh, a good cry, when something beautiful takes our breath away, a good sigh, being totally spontaneous, falling asleep when tired, orgasms, being moved emotionally, on and on. All of these are circumstances of letting go and allowing, of being fully present, and of paying attention to what's happening in the moment.

In a therapeutic process, there is a container of safety in which a person is able to take risks and go out of their comfort zone, this is the place where healing and growth happens. There is a paradox about gaining empowerment by letting down one's defenses. We all developed our defenses for good reasons, however they tend to work against us as we get older. So when we consciously try to let down our defenses, it is a rude awakening because we are in uncharted territory.

There is a great deal of skill required in facilitation of this process. It's like a midwife who is helping a woman give birth, there is an intense physical process happening as well as spiritual and psycho-social dynamics. The midwife is encouraging the woman to breath, push, and let go, let nature do Her thing.

Ultimately giving birth and the miracle of life is one of mystery, we can't really know or control it, so letting go, cooperating, receiving help, and staying humble in the face of this mystery is wise.

See if you can work on your control issues a little, we all have them, remember the serenity prayer about having the wisdom to know the difference between what you can change and what you can't, which is most of life!

Equality

                                                      Equality



                                              

“A feminist is anyone who recognizes the equality and full humanity of women and men.”

              Gloria Steinem

Yesterday (6-26-11), was a historic day for equality. The Supreme Court ruled in favor of equality. Anything in favor of equality is positive in my view. In my therapy with people, I treat them as equals. This is extremely important in relationships of all kinds, but I'd say it's particularly important in Therapy.

However, equality is much neglected and minimized in my experience. Therapists are trained to take a one up position, whether this is explicit or implied, particularly before someone like Carl Rogers came along. He launched what became known as the humanistic psychology movement with his 1961 publication of “On Becoming A Person.”

Rogers shares his personal and professional journey to “discovering” that the most therapeutic relationship that can be had is one of human-to-human. This became known as client centered therapy. This form of therapy is also exemplified in the model known as Motivational Interviewing whereby the therapist becomes almost like a journalist or anthropologist in their neutrality and inquisitive curiosity of how the client; sees it, feels it, conceives, and experiences what they are talking about.

Both of these school have greatly influenced my approach, as well as mindfulness practice which helps client's fully experience themselves in the present moment. In order to facilitate this a therapist must truly believe, feel, and convey to the client the utmost respect, caring, and equality. This gives a dignity to the process and the person.

People come into therapy because they are feeling less than in some way. They feel bad about making certain choices, bad about how they respond to others and life in general, and bad about how they feel about themselves.

It is part of my core values as a person and professionally that all people are equal, so I convey this in every moment to the best of my ability. I let people know they will not be judged, and that I will care enough about them to be honest and genuine at all times. I emphasize how important it is for the client to give me feedback. I explain; because they are paying me to give them feedback, I need their feedback to help me stay on track and be accurate in my reflections back.

Lastly, I give client's homework to treat themselves as an equal and to stop judging themselves and to note any self-defeating negativity that we can discuss.

Hope

                                                            

                                                              Hope
                                   
                           
                              

One of the most important aspects of awakening is the instilling of hope. As a therapist, my recurrent refrain is one of hope. A therapist is a leader in a therapeutic relationship, and as such she must be a purveyor of hope. Hope is not a patronizing, happy face smile of life's vicissitudes, it is merely an encouragement of possibilities and potential.

This is why I emphasize people's strengths more than their weaknesses. When one feels burdened and myopic in their problems it takes an outside, object perspective to help broaden the horizons. If someone is still alive, they have strengths and positive possibilities if they choose to look for them and try them out as an option.

I believe in the goodness of human beings and I choose to emphasize this with myself and my clients. It's certainly not a matter of denying the shadow side of human nature (we will discuss that soon enough). But in the beginning of therapy, it is vital to emphasize what's working in a person's life.

This may start with the most simple and obvious facts, like someone reached out and called for help, they showed up for an appointment, they persevered through their resistance to come to counseling, etc. These are all simple yet powerful steps toward a change process, and change always begins with an acceptance of where you're at on the map.

Being hopeful is part of the power of positive thinking and flowing positive emotions. When one practices being hopeful, positive and flowing feelings of gratitude, humor, compassion, and generosity, one will inevitably experience and manifest these states and circumstances in life.

What we focus on is going to be what is manifested. If we allow social media, news, and negativity to be our default focus than that is what we will experience, this is pure compulsivity and commentary on life vs. life itself. So in the beginning, it is often useful to fake it a little. Try out being positive, loving and kind, and see if you don't get some pretty fast results. Try giving to others what you want to receive, this is the advice of all the wisdom traditions.

Why Rude Awakening?

                          Why Rude Awakening?

 

                                          

When I try to formulate and encapsulate my life's work/calling what comes to my mind in this moment is that i've tried to understand and practice what it is to be a human being, and to model and facilitate that for others.

In large part this has been a process of awakening from a trance, hypnotisim, and conditioning of self negative, default data that is part and parcel to our process of socialization. This data basically tells us that we are not ok. These self-negating messages come in 1000's of forms; from our parents, teachers, preachers, therapists, Madison Ave, on and on...

This 'awakening' is the goal of all spiritual traditions, and in my view, it should be the goal of all forms of therapeutic interventions, whether those therapies are physical, mental, emotional, social, or spiritual.

In order to begin to awaken one must first recognize and own their sleep-fullness. In order to escape from prison one must first realize that one is in prison, enslaved, oppressed, etc. We live in a world culture that has the most cunning ways to enslave people, which is to create the illusion that we are free. This is the crux of materialism and capitalism. In old circuses all one had to do with an elephant is put a chain around them that was staked in the ground for a while. Then you could simply have the chain on them without it being staked, because the elephant had “given up” on the idea that they were free.

The process of awakening is always a shock to the system. Like Neo in the Matrix when he takes the red pill and finds out how deep the rabbit hole goes. This is a Rude Awakening that we are living an illusion, this is only the beginning, but every awakening leads a little more out of Plato's cave into the light of consciousness. It is much easier to stay ignorant, asleep, complacent, and comfortable than it is to take steps toward your own awakening. Once you do there is no turning back (unless you really work hard to go back to sleep), but there will always be a remnant of enlightening experience that is the hall mark of living fully as a human being.