Zim For Dummies #2

                                                            Zim For Dummies #2

 

 

                                         

 

                                        “The degree to which I can create relationships, which facilitate the growth of others as separate persons, is a measure of the growth I have achieved in myself.”
                                                                                                             Carl Rogers

One of my core values comes through when I first make contact with a person, this is the value of relationship. Because people reach out to me for help I must be available energetically from the first few seconds of contact. Getting to know me is to know that a great deal of my work is in the relational arena, like Carl Rogers, I have found the apex as well as the foundation of therapeutic work is at the relational level. But this is not restricted to therapeutic relationships, this is true in ALL relationships.

This extends into any field of science, because in the 20^th century, science moved from an orientation of reality composed of objects that moved in predictable paths and outcomes, to reality being composed not of things, but of relationships, fields, and forces.

Most of human life is lived in some contextual relationship. When we were first conceived, we began a relationship with our environment, first in utero, commensurable with all the sensory and bio-chemical/hormonal connections, as well as right after birth, and the attendant sense of warmth and safety that we either had or different have. This was our welcome to human life after deplanning experience that most of us don't remember.

So rocket science answer to first question of relational wisdom I practice is; warmth and safety, this is the remedy for the degrees of coldness and fear we may have experienced (see Joseph Chilton Pierce's book "The Magical Child" for an excellent and at times scary look at birth practiced in America in the prior century). Next I practice a desire to understand, not in my own terms, but as a good Margret Meade type of cultural anthropologist would, seek to be free as much as possible from my own cultural biases, and seek to understand the “other” on their own terms. I am transparent with my own thoughts and feelings and this facilitates a transparency from others. Acceptance of others and deep empathy encourages others to explore and express themselves. I'm certainly not pretending that I'm able to convey, practice or transmit these qualities all the time, at times what I convey is the opposite, but my core values and aspirations are to set my intentions to be as loving, clear, and honest as I'm capable of.

The human body and soul are wired for growth, learning, expression, and integration, this is what has been optimally selected for fitness, survival and propagation. This wiring in the psyche is the move toward wholeness, and every nuance of the human soul is geared in this direction. Dreams, symbols, art, science, political structures and religion are creations of our individual and collective need to be whole, happy, and fulfilled in our human form.

Unfortunately, we have gotten a little side tracked in this most conscious direction, so there are shamans, scientists, artists and seers of all sorts that have day jobs attempting to realign our errant space craft.

Research has validated the outcomes that quality therapeutic relational experience helps people become more effective and integrated with less neurotic symptoms, feeling more healthy and more the person they which to be, with more self-awareness and confidence. This leads to greater awareness of others and the ability to form quality relationships. Openness to experience is greater and one is less likely to repress or deny what one is experiencing. This person has less stress in life and they are able to recover from stress with higher resiliency. A maturity and integrity is observed by friends and loved ones as well as an ability to meet situations more creatively.

 

"I would like to tell you what I often told you when you were much younger: I like you just the way you are." Mister Rogers

 

 

 

                                                 

Polarity #2

                                            

                                                                       Polarity #2                                          
                                                 
                                            

This cosmic dance of Shiva is called 'Anandatandava,' meaning the Dance of Bliss, and symbolizes the cosmic cycles of creation and destruction, as well as the daily rhythm of birth and death.

“Polarity, or action and reaction, we meet in every part of nature; in darkness and light; in heat and cold; in the ebb and flow of water; in male and female; in the equation of quantity and quality; in the fluids of the animal body; in the systole and diastole of a heart beat.” Ralph Waldo Emerson

In order to have experience as a human being we must have contrast, to feel joy we must reference sorrow, to feel love we must know fear and hatred. This is like the negative of a photograph (before digital photography), which was the necessary substrate before the positive image could be produced.

Jung said; “One does not become enlightened by imagining figures of light, but by making the darkness conscious,” this is a key aspect of dealing with our polarity of light and darkness. Our ego functions in a way that pulls us toward what we think we want, need, or like and pushes us away from what repels us, but true psychological growth comes from a confrontation with our shadow. Jung described the shadow as those elements of our psyche that the ego doesn't approve of. Think of a time when you were shamed about something that you thought was a perfectly great interest, expression, opinion, or feeling. Let's say you were trying out your voice singing with others and someone said “You can't sing, you sound horrible!” you will have the painful contrast of your initial impulse to sing and then a big door slammed on that impulse. If you were young and didn't have enough power to protect yourself you most likely internalized that message and it became a life long belief.

Facing and engaging one's shadow is a conscious act of going into the parts of your psyche that have remained dormant, repressed, or compartmentalized. This is an alchemical process of reconciling opposites. So there is a part of your psyche that wants to sing, express, and be heard and another part that says “You can't sing, you sound horrible, just be quiet and listen.” These two aspects need to get to know each other and hear what it is they feel and need. You might have a dream in which you try to sing and others are laughing at you, again those are two aspects within one psyche.

Emerson also said; “What you are comes to you.” This is a law of attraction in which your being will magnetically pull to you what and who you are at your core. When people are having symptoms they are trying to heal, the symptoms themselves are the cure, this was another of Jung's insights. What we perceive of as symptoms that we are trying to get rid of carry the very seeds of their own transformation, making the unconscious conscious is the key to that transformation, this is kind of a psychological homeopathy.

Be mindful of your own tendency to polarize and separate into neat packages of good/bad, right/wrong, dems/republicans, etc. see everything as a play of one consciousness delighting in it's own expressions of diversity, seeing itself in opposites, and coming back to itself as a unity, this is the dance of creation.

                                    


                                 

Loosing Control #2

                                         Loosing Control #2

 

 

                                

Evolution is an unpredictable machinery. It is fraught with; 1) random punctuated periods of equilibrium, in which there is an emerging order and thriving adaptation and, 2) periods of instability, chaos, catastrophe, and extinction, guess which one we're in?

 

Our modern/post-modern culture in my view is behind door #2. This is not a doomsday message, it's just an honest point of view. If I were accessing our culture as I would assess an individual I would be treating, I would say we are a narcissistic personality with borderline features and delusions of grandeur, we have extreme ADHD as evidenced by our inability to be still and pay attention for more than 22.3 seconds. We are actively suicidal and need to be on 24/7 watch. We have severe substance dependency, eating disorders, and body dysmorphic symptoms. We meet criteria for depression, anxiety, mood instability, and PTSD. Extreme family of origin issues that will warrant family therapy are recommended. Anti-social, as well as concurrent co-dependency are demonstrated, whose simultaneity presents with Schizoid features, (Rule out psychopathic serial killing tendencies).
 

Physically, we are morbidly obese and anorexic simultaneously, we have coronary heart disease, high blood pressure and are hypoglycemic. Our nervous system is fried (not a clinical term), and we have poor posture and misalignment due to sedentary or unsafe manual labor which causes horrendous back problems and all the joints to ache. Internally we have huge digestive disorders, ulcers, colitis, heart burn, and flatulence. We are allergic to nature, including being allergic to ourselves.
 

So, this seems out of control to me and it is worth a first step admission of out of control powerlessness. The book “Out Of Control” by Kevin Kelly was one of about 7 books that were required reading for the cast of the film “The Matrix.” In this book there is a discussion of a non-zero sum game, which is how evolution works. The conflict and instability of organisms and their environment, predator and prey, symbiotic relationships, etc. means the ecologic whole can reward (or cripple) all members.
 

We are brainwashed into being competitive, when the clear evolutionary advantage is to cooperate. In terms of loss of control, it's where we're at on the map, the acknowledgment and acceptance is the first step in cure. It is that moment of reckoning after the Doctor or whomever has given you some frank, objective news/feedback about something that totally sucks!
 

This is the heroic call to the adventure that is healing, awakening, being humble, and using your gift of life to it's fullest. We have to recognize what we've lost before we can recover it. Modern technology is taking things from us at a staggering pace, all under the guise that it is making our lives fuller. The biggest theft is our humanity itself, the mammalian brain that is organized in primates to recognize, give and receive social cues on very sophisticated multisensory, and vibrational attunement (such as with Eco location) pathways is being lost.
 

 

Other thefts are attention, wisdom, socially connected, intimate, and communal relationships, intuition, creative inspiration, and emotional well being. This comprises a spiritual crisis, much like when the addict reaches his bottom (see Anne Wilson Schaef's book "When Society Becomes An Addict). The 12-steps idea of a High Power was informed by C.G. Jung in a letter he wrote to Bill W., I'm paraphrasing; “ it will only be through a spiritual awakening that an addict can recover, he cannot do it through his will, this is the instrument through which his disease was originally caused.”

Equality #2

                                                            Equality #2


"Even The Comfort of a Stone Would Be A Gain", Atlantic Coast, Brooklyn

"Through her photography, artist Nona Faustine investigates such convoluted spaces, with pasts and presents that don't quite line up. Her photo series, titled "White Shoes," revisits many of the New York locations once plagued by slavery -- from City Hall to the Supreme Court -- capturing the traces that may or may not have been left behind."

This is also a historic week in that the Confederate flag flown at the S.C. state capital was removed due to an overwhelming majority opinion that it is a symbol of hate. The fight for equality is an ongoing part of human evolution. For us to consider the majority and well being of the greater good is a foundation of a democratic society, however most of our culture is governed by elite special interests and as such constitutes anything but an egalitarian democracy.

This week also saw a sad commentary on one of the top "Ethical bodies" in my field that the American psychology association colluded with the Pentagon, CIA, and the Bush administration to devise "ethical" guidelines to support post-9/11 interrogation techniques that have since been labeled as torture.

The fight for equality extends into interpersonal relationships also, the dynamics of abuse in relationships is constituted by power and control over another vs. equality and shared power with another. Parents, teachers, preachers, politicians, etc often exert a sense of entitled control over their flock. They use fear, intimidation, mind control and media manipulation to exact conformity and compliance. The leaders and innovators in our evolutionary progression are the ones that question, rebel, fight, and resist oppression at every turn. This doesn't lend itself to being well thought of by the establishment!

Equality also extends in the intrapersonal realm, that is the domain of one's own psyche. For within each of us are a multitude of thoughts, voices, and parts that can and do war and enslave each other. Think of a time when you were gripped by a mood or obsessive thoughts that literally hijacked your consciousness resulting in impulsivity, lost sleep, depression, or words spoken in the heat of passion that inflict permanent damage, this is clearly a case of inequality and self-oppression. The world inside a person's head, heart, and soul is the place to launch an activism of equality, having self acceptance, celebration, and a working dialogue and relationship with the different parts of oneself is a foundation of equality. If you don't have this, you will project all your insecurities, self-hate, fear, and prejudice onto others, this is the basis of all racism.

Nona Faustine is able to reclaim her own dignity, body, and soul through her art and so by doing she is a leading revolutionary in the fight for her race and all of us who feel enslaved in so many ways. Think of her courage and unrestrained self-acceptance and use this as a springboard for your own expressions of freedom and equality.

Hope #2

                                                            Hope #2

 

                

                   
       

 

 

How do we find hope in our darkest moments, when the dominant polarity is negative and pushing aside any vestige of affirmation? This is a process of swimming upstream against a very strong current. It is important to first recognize where you are on the map, which is, if you are feeling hopeless, that's where you are. Don't try and be any other place. This sounds hopeless in and of itself, but it is the recognition and acceptance that leads one out of the abyss.

The human mind and psyche is composed of a multitude of voices, tones, moods, and thoughts, many of them are in agreement or at least voting with the majority, but a few are very strong and grandstanding in their declarations and opinions, they are waging war so to speak, ready to take everyone else down with them. This is where an inner dialogue needs to happen. You must find the wherewithall to engage the negative voice in a conversation without trying to suppress or give into it's demands.

The recent animated movie Inside Out takes a fun and comical view of the workings of the mind, but it is no laughing matter when one is in the depths of despair and not aware that their inner ship of awareness has been highjacked. So we must build into our daily lives, people, places, and things that will remind us and give us cues of direction to find our way out of the dark forest of depression and hopelessness.

Having friends, counselors, family, pets, and hobbies will redirect our negativity back toward hope. Relationships based on honesty, trust and safety in which people give each other honest, kind feedback is very healthy. Writing is also an excellent way to narrate your experience without becoming lost in it, but we must take action of some sort, otherwise the mood, thoughts, or voices will build in momentum and intensity.

Every person should have a plan like a fire escape to take specific evasive maneuvers when they are hit with a spiralling mood. This plan should be discussed with others, written, and placed in view so you can go right to it when needed. A simple plan might include; 1) Call my counselor, 2) Go for a walk, 3) Write down my feelings, 4) Take 20 deep breaths, 5) Take a long bath with candles, 6) Write down 10 things I like about myself, 7) Play with my dog, etc.

Then you must rally yourself to follow through with your plan, there will be a part of you that will not want to do it, you have to talk to that part and say “I hear you, but I'm in charge right now and this is what I'm going to do for us.” Trust me, that part will thank you in the morning!

Why "Rude Awakening?" #2

                                        Why "Rude Awakening?" #2


 

                       
 

 

Let's go back and apply, as it were, a second coat of paint to the territory we've covered so far. This is in order to deepen, consolidate and integrate the learning and experiential nature of what we're discussing. Learning without integration and experience is just an exercise in mental masturbation, and God knows we have enough of that!

An experiential way into rude awakening is to do something different than the way you usually do it, it can be anything; putting on your left shoe first when you usually put on your right, get up on the opposite side of the bed, write with your non-dominate hand, be intentionally quite in a meeting, eating less than you usually do, etc. This is a conscious and intentional act that will elicit some kind of response. What you are doing is proactively applying a mini shock to your system, granted it's not that big of a deal to put a different shoe on first, but it will give you some information and bring consciousness to something that has become an unconscious habit.

You may also notice how robotic and automatic you were in your usual routine and how alive and aware you are when you change it. From a biological perspective, we are adaptive organisms that get selected and reinforced for automatic behaviors that require little to no meta awareness. This is because doing things in a predictable, rote manner uses less energy and becomes optimally efficient. Hunting and gathering in the same way that produces relatively quick and easy food is an advantage to survival. If our ancestors had to think, discuss and have meetings to share and reach consensus on these issues they wouldn't be our ancestors.

However, as our frontal lobes evolved, we developed more and more capacity to reflect, consider alternatives, strategize, question, and become more and more curious. These human traits evolved our ability to be more and more conscious, more civilized, more cooperative, and able to observe our processes and see if they are helping or hindering our well being.

There is still a big push in our modern world to keep us on automatic pilot, mechanical, compliant, and purely on digital approach/avoidance mode. So when we interrupt our conditioning and start doing things differently we will get a shock that will rattle the automatic nature of our daily existence. Try to embrace some simple change in your habits and see how much awareness this engenders.

 

When I'm working with people trying to quit smoking I get them to do everything with the opposite hand; i.e. get the lighter and cigs out with opposite hand, hold the cigarette in the opposite hand, light with opposite hand, light the lighter and hold for count of 5 before lighting, etc. It's amazing to see how this really messes with a person's ritual, it basically ruins the whole experience! This is because the usual ritual is an unconscious habit that is enjoyable because it is so unconscious. When a person is forced to think, observe, and feel themselves going through these mechanical habits they awaken to a level of awareness not accessed previously. This is unsettling, but mostly liberating!

Integral

                                                                  Integral

                          

                                             

                                    Happy are those who find wisdom….

                                  She is more precious than jewels,

                                and nothing you desire can compare with her….

                                Her ways are ways of pleasantness,

                                and all her paths are peace….

                               Get insight, get wisdom: do not forget

                                       (Jewish Torah, Proverbs 3:13, 17, 4:5).

Let's return to our definition of synchronicity as “Awareness of One Integral Whole.” The word integral is integral to this definition so let's flesh it out, integral- 1) necessary to make a whole complete; essential or fundamental- games are an integral part of the school's curriculum, 2) included as part of the whole rather than supplied separately- systematic training should be integral to library management, 3) having or containing all parts that are necessary to be complete.

I am greatly indebted to the work of Ken Wilber, who in my view is one of the greatest thinkers/writers/teachers of the late 20^th and 21^st century. His work is an Integral Model that includes the most dimensions from the most sources, it is a model that is comprehensive in it's scope. My work, theories, and practice are certainly heavily derivative of his and the many followers that take the Integral vision into new and higher vistas.

What I try and contribute to this Integral work with my clients is what Jung called being a gnostic intermediary. Jung used this term for Evans-Wentz's in his translation of The Tibetan Book of the Dead. This is because Evans-Wentz was able to convey the wisdom, subtlety, and spiritual knowledge of this work much more than just the information and rationality. A gnostic intermediary possesses a deep understanding of, and practical skill in responding to, the central existential issues of life. Greek philosophers referred to this understanding as sophia, and to this practical skill as phronesis (Sternberg & Jordan, 2005).

Knowledge is something you have, wisdom is something you are. My work with clients is that of translating them to themselves, I will also help introduce kids to their parents; “Mr. Jones, let me introduce your son Bobby…,” Parents are notorious for thinking they know their kids. People come to therapy because they are stuck, suffering, and have blinders to themselves, I am, as it were, an anthropologist arriving in foreign territory, seeking to understand, and reflect back to see if I'm getting it right. This process creates inspiration, ah ha moments, builds healthy relationships, and catalyzes new behaviors and perspective. It's as if a person is rediscovering themselves and remembering who they are, it is always fulfilling, yet certainly has a degree of pain and rude awakening.