Owning Your Shadow

                                                       Owning Your Shadow

                                      

 

                           “How can I be substantial if I do not cast a shadow? I must have a dark side also If I am to be whole”   C.G. Jung

 

                          "He who's closest to the light, casts the biggest shadow."

                                                                                         Sufi

 

Two of the countless contributions that C.G. Jung made to modernity are his ideas of the Shadow and Mother Complex. Although Jung, like Freud, was a product of his times, and therefore had what we in hind site, can call limitations and bias, he, like Freud, was a giant in a direction of psychology that he pioneered.

The shadow is the psychic repository of everything we don't like and are not conscious of about ourselves. We see our shadow, if we are willing to look, when we are inordinately annoyed, disproportionately reactive to a situation (i.e. killing a mosquito with a machine gun), or idealizing (seeing no flaws in a person, place or thing). Our persona is the personality we've been socialized to have in a way that makes us “fit in,” and generally avoid being ostracized. Our ego adapts to, what in our own mind, and perception, is a fairly cool, likable, good looking, smart, and interesting person. This is what we “show, present, and lead” with in most all our interactions.

But just as one casts a long shadow when facing into the sun, we too have 180 degree oppositional forces, moods, perceptions, and all around nasty sort of energies that we generally don't acknowledge or don't want to deal with.

Groups of people, tribes, and nations have a collective shadow they project most viciously onto other groups, tribes and nations. European's colonial images of Native people as savages, Nazi views of Jews, White supremacy, etc are all pernicious mass projections of what groups and nations cannot own and integrate about themselves, so they readily see and justify in others and create propaganda to condition others to see it also.

The projected shadow is the basis for all wars and general discord among people as well as man's disconnection with nature. But we are able, as conscious human beings, to face, integrate, and own our shadow natures, and paradoxically, the shadow is a great storehouse of gold as well as a lot of manure, but even the manure can be used as fertile fertilizer that bears much fruit!

 

One way to recognize the shadow is through the Mother Complex. Jung wrote about this as a heterosexual man projecting his Anima (feminine nature) onto a woman, but I would extend this idea to include any gender or sexual orientation. The Mother Complex is any regressive tendency or a feeling of being swallowed, smothered, or a need to be taken care of. The Mother Complex shows up as a moody, whimpering, infantile energy, it can also show up as rage. However it shows up, it is bad news, and can result in adults throwing tantrums in any number of ways. When a woman says to a man; "I'm not your mother!" rest assured, you're in Mother Complex land!

There are many ways to approach shadow work, I will mention a few. One of the things to include in your life, if you don't already, are ways of getting down and dirty. This is open to interpretation, but the idea is to engage in things that you might ordinarily find distasteful and you tend to avoid. For me it would be things like; house cleaning, getting organized, assembling, or disassembling things with my hands, and socializing. These are all things I avoid and have very clever ways of avoiding. So, when I consciously do these things, I'm paying attention to what has become old and crusty (literally), within and around me.

Another practice is to make a list of all your best qualities that you and others really like about yourself, and then try to see that you also have an equal and opposite aspect of yourself that sits on the other side of your see saw. For example, if you see yourself generally as a likable, agreeable, nice person, try to find the part of you that comes out at times that is a genuine bastard. That guy is just as much a part of your psyche as Mr. Nice Guy! See if you can learn more about your shadow parts and give them some form of expression, however you can't just unleash them! They do need boundaries and containment (which they will not like), so they don't overpower your ego.

Unless we pay attention, and do some kind of shadow work, our shadow remains concealed, denied, repressed, and comes out in ways that can really do damage when it is projected. Have people that you know and trust give you feedback about the parts of yourself that are fairly unpleasant, don't get defensive, see it as a gift of wholeness for your humanity. When you think of how your love and friendship with others is not solely based on how fun and likable your partners, kids, friends, pets, or co-workers are, but also on how ornery, lazy, moody, nasty, and inappropriate they are at times, this makes for whole and healthy human relationships.